Friday, March 28, 2008

Take a minute...

First off, let me apologize for blatantly copying and pasting a forward--but I really wanted to share this with you all. I know these are not my thoughts, so if this write-up offends or causes irreconcilable mental trauma to poets, miners, exorcists, mediums, bakers or even Santa's lil helpers; please don't sue me.

  • A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

  • A will is a dead giveaway.

  • Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

  • A backward poet writes inverse.

  • In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

  • A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

  • If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

  • With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

  • Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

  • When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

  • The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

  • You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

  • Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

  • He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

  • A calendar's days are numbered.

  • A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

  • A boiled egg is hard to beat.

  • He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

  • A plateau is a high form of flattery.

  • The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

  • Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

  • When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

  • When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

  • Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

  • Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Name calling.....

I was going through Wikipedia's entry on one of Kollywood's "greatest" comedians: Goundamani

Here are some names of the characters he's portrayed (Note: The ones in bold are my favorites):

1. Pick Pocket Periyasamy

2. Pannikutti Ramasamy

3. All-in-All Azhagu raja

4. Silverspoon Silpakumar

5. Govindo

6. Paavada Kanth

7. Esakki Muthu

8. Naaik Kal Naaik

9. Everything Yegambaram

10. Dharmaadi Dharmalingam

11. Mechanic Manikam

12. Yaetu Yegambaram

13. Kaaling

14. Aaru Kolai Arumugam

15. Vaasu.. The great Vaasu

16. Idea mani

Only in Kollywood would you find something like this.

Does anyone have any other typical filmy names (which are strictly south)? (Polyester Padmini, Disco Shanti, Aruvaal Somasekaran--probably a play on Arnold Schwarzenegger, etc...)

Monday, March 10, 2008

Elite Geeks

I was reading an article on economist recently and realized that there are around 10 million civil servants in India.


No offence against our distinguished Babus and Collector Aiyyas, but somehow Civil Servants remind me of the Vogon race from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. And man, are they grumpy!

Few other images that come to my mind w.r.t. Civil Servants: An old fashioned wooden desk, filled with papers gathering dust. A white shirt and pant (Safari suit if possible). And finally, a white Ambassador Nova with all the extra-fittings to make it look all the more bureaucratic. (Have I missed something else out here?)

Back to our 10 Million civil servants--thats almost as big as Hungary (or 0.15% of world's population). Wow!

I wonder what would happen if we were to conquer an island (hypothetically) and then drop our distinguished Babus on it (again, hypothetically and figuratively). First of all, we would need to name this island.

Here are a few of my suggestions:

(1) Babuland ( I really love that 4 letter word, don't I?!) ;o)
(2) Ambassadoria
(3) Safari (Suit) Island
(4) Democratic Republic of Bureaucrats

Just imagine, an island full of Ambassador cars with flashing lights and sirens blaring. Sounds chaotic already!

I wonder what would happen if Civil Servants themselves faced problems similar to the ones faced by the general public. Who would they pressurise/please/bribe to get the job done??? The hunter would become the hunted.

Well, lets get back to setting up of our hypothetical island. The major industries would be Textile (for making nice safari suits), Automobiles (only Hindustan Motors--for manufacturing Ambassadors only), Furniture industry (the more antique-ish furniture you manufacture, the better), and finally the marriage industry.

Apparently, according to another Economist article: "Male (IAS) recruits are among India's most marriageable: more suitable, it is said, than the elite geeks of the country's booming computer-services industry."

Elite Geeks??? Ok, now I am an Economist-Certified Elite Geek. My marital future seems doomed, thanks to these highly-eligible bachelor IAS Babus.

Now, I feel like blowing up this island and calling it a day. How convenient, don't you think? Well, I don't think it's worth all the dynamite.

I find solace in this quote from author Sanjoy Bagchi: “Overwhelmed by the constant feed of adulatory ambrosia, the maturing entrant tends to lose his head and balance. The diffident youngster of early idealistic years, in course of time, is transformed into an arrogant senior fond of throwing his weight around; he becomes a conceited prig.”

Although, I feel, he should've said "Conceited Pig".... Pig's look more like Vogons

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Technology dilemma

Of late, I have been facing a strange dilemma with regard to technology.

The dilemma is as follows:

Do I go in for a nice digi-cam (to bring out any hidden talents in photography) or should I invest in upgrading my desktop computer (which would require me to go back to Madras and bring back the working parts).

So, more than the choice... it is the utility of either choice which is bothering me the most.

Till date, the only pictures that I have ever clicked are from my old Kodak KB10 camera. I now recollect that I never took out the film after clicking the 36 pictures of birthday parties, school events, picnics, etc. (I reckon the film must have become powdered by now) .

Yup.. I am THAT lazy. So, don't expect me to keep updating my blog--which takes precious minutes out of my painfully busy schedule **for my busy schedule--scroll down till the end of this writeup**

Anyhoo... getting back to the topic--you must've guessed by now that I would make a horrible photographer, rather a horrible post-photography photographer.

But dear reader... please be honest with yourself--how often did you feel lethargic to take out the film, after rewinding it properly so that it doesn't get exposed to light, and deliver it to the studio so that you can get them developed in 4 days time?

I know that you are not as lazy as I am, but wasn't it kinda tedious and boring, especially if the studio was quite far and required a certain amount of travel?

But with a Digi-cam.... and flickr©... and blogspot© .... I could showcase my creativity to the whole world!

I guess not.

Of all you know, I would find a new excuse with regard to low battery charge and how costly it might prove to be if I were to expose such an expensive equipment to the Bombay dust and grime.

I am already postulating such excuses! I am incorrigible!

That leaves me with upgrading my computer.

This would require enormous planning and expenditure. First, devote a few days to fly down to madras--I know, bringing an equipment from one city to another should not require more than a day or two... but things don't work that way once you stay away from your home city.

I would have to devote a week, meeting relatives, eating good food, buying gifts, driving around town to meet friends, etc... you get the flow.

Booking plane tickets--another hassle with renewed taxes and so-called fuel surcharges and all. I think this is one service, where the taxes are higher than the actual price, and the aviation authority have no say in this (even though they should be having one).

Well, back to madras, I enjoy the week, the beaches, the shops, the traffic jams, the idly-sambaar and medu vada, home food, Tiramisu and Brimstone (orange drink) with my good friend and a lot other things which I feel I can experience only in Madras and not anywhere else.

The week is ending, and I have to get back to the same humdrum life--Bombay.

I land, and I rush to office.... and guess what... I've forgotten all about the computer equipment! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

But, what the heck... the whole trip back home sure beats anything! :)

So... thank you blogspot... for solving my dilemma... I'm gonna go home soon and enjoy life for a week... and no, I better not forget the equipment (in real life)! ;)


**As promised--my "busy" schedule is as follows:**
  • Wake up - 0830 hrs
  • Laze around - 0830-0900hrs
  • Wake up (final) - 0900 hrs
  • Get read for work - 0900-0945hrs
  • Reach office - 1030hrs
  • Breakfast - 1030-1100hrs
  • Check mails - 1100hrs-1130hrs
  • Read the news (Indian) - 1130-1230hrs (I am a slow reader)
  • Read the news (American and other International) - 1230-1330hrs
  • Lunch - 1330-1400hrs
  • START work (finally--i bet you were wondering when I would start working) - 1400hrs
  • Realize that I do not have much work to do - 1401hrs
  • Get bored - 1401-1600hrs
  • Get depressed by the fact that I am getting bored at such an early age - 1600-1700hrs
  • Contemplate about charting my "experiences on my blog" - 1700-1800hrs
  • Ditching that idea - 1801hrs
  • Trying to dig out some work which I haven't completed yet - 1802-1830hrs
  • Fail in that attempt - 1831hrs
  • Wait till its dinner time (do nothing constructive) - 1832-2045hrs
  • Journey back home - 2115-2145hrs
  • Sleep - 2230hrs