Take a minute...

First off, let me apologize for blatantly copying and pasting a forward--but I really wanted to share this with you all. I know these are not my thoughts, so if this write-up offends or causes irreconcilable mental trauma to poets, miners, exorcists, mediums, bakers or even Santa's lil helpers; please don't sue me.

• A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.


• A will is a dead giveaway.


• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.


• A backward poet writes inverse.


• In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.


• A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.


• If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.


• With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.


• Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.


• When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.


• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.


• You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.


• Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.


• He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.


• A calendar's days are numbered.


• A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.


• A boiled egg is hard to beat.


• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.


• A plateau is a high form of flattery.


• The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.


• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.


• When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.


• When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.


• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.


• Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.